Feeling burnt out? Yeah, I've been there...
I’ve been there many times actually. This isn’t typically something I’m proud of, especially in our culture that praises hustle, rugged individualism, and pushing through anything that might get in one’s way - no matter the cost.
Well, when the cost is as high as your mental health, functioning, and cognitive abilities, I’d say it’s too expensive for me.
My burnout times have varied in severity, stage of life, and even in my own recognition of them. It’s actually quite common to be experiencing many symptoms of burnout without ever realizing it is happening (see comment about our culture above). So if this is happening for you, please know you aren’t alone!
When we’re burnt out we:
feel tired all of the time
aren’t efficient in completing tasks
don’t feel like ourselves
we can become closed-off and apathetic about the world
Why does burnout happen?
Because we are conditioned to GIVE TOO MUCH ALL OF THE TIME. As cliche as the saying is, there’s truth in it, “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” Burnout is when all of your internal resources are spent and you have nothing left for yourself, or anyone else for that matter.
I’m sure you’re probably thinking, burnout affects people who are helpers, healers, and caregivers more often than those who aren’t, and you’re right. While there are several statistics that group these people together under the umbrella of “women” I’d like to make a clear point here that having a higher likelihood of burnout is not just a women’s issue, it’s an issue for anyone who doesn’t prioritize their own needs for whatever reason that may be (from childhood trauma to parenthood and beyond) and does not fit within a gender binary. People of any gender can have a propensity for burnout, at the core it’s about your personal characteristics and unique circumstances.
“Ok, so now what do I do?”
No need to despair, there are many things that can help!
But they might not be what you see in the media (social or otherwise).
Our capitalist society runs on sales, therefore we are encouraged to buy things (which we will then need to buy again and again) in order to feel good, get better, etc. These days you can find nearly any type of product or service claiming to be “self-care.” Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m all about self-care, actual self-care, which is different from something you would buy to treat yourself.
In my personal experience, here are the things that have helped me most in recovering from a period of burnout:
Slowing down - slowing EVERYTHING down. Less commitments, less responsibilities, less on the schedule. Our bodies need to recover and recalibrate, this can only happen when we rest and take it easy.
Being gentle with myself. Before you give me all the eye-rolls, hear me out! If you take the space and time that you need to slow down enough to start recovering from burnout but then spend it internally beating yourself up, belittling your efforts, and treating yourself worse than you would treat any other person…well, it’s just not going to work. When we are fried we need to be handled with the most kind and gentle compassion possible. Think brand-new-baby-level-caring because honestly, that’s what a burnt out system needs, to be nurtured and tended to with all of the gentle loving energy we give to newborns.
Trading in some “shoulds” with some “wants.” This one is so hard (like the others aren’t?!) but once you try it out you’ll notice some immediate shifts.
Story time → During a particularly crispy time for me I had a session with my therapist during which she asked me what I had done for myself during the previous week. I couldn’t come up with a damn thing that wasn’t something necessary for survival. She reminded me, yet again, that I need to be doing at least something that was filling me up, refueling my energy supply. Much to my logical side’s dismay, when the session ended I drove myself directly to the beach instead of washing dishes and folding laundry as I had previously planned. I laid in the sun, swam in the warm lake water, and listened to the children playing nearby. Sure, the first 15-20 minutes I was constantly countering my internal guilt and worries about things that “needed to get done.” But once I felt the sun, the water, the sand, I leaned into the luscious comfort as if I was curling up in the most crisp and cushy duvet possible. I could feel my nervous system calm and my thoughts begin to settle. I often think about this time and try to remember that the “shoulds” never make me feel so full of life.
Tapping into my own creativity. Not only is being creative fun, it’s also a proven way to “complete the stress cycle” within our bodies (Nagoski & Nagoski, 2019). Engaging in something that requires imagination or abstract thought for long enough to “get lost” in the moment is some of the very best burnout medicine. You’re altering your state of mind, leaving the worries behind, and fully experiencing the moment. Your vagus nerve becomes activated which is crucial in our bodies healing from stressful or traumatic events. And you’ll have some fun too!
Connecting more with all of the different parts of ME. When I have ended up burnt out in the past it’s usually after certain parts of me have been calling all of the shots for way too long. The parts in question are usually determined, focused, driven, hard-working, goal-oriented, and externally focused. I’m talking about my professional part, my business owner part, my attentive parent part, my entrepreneur part, my caring/nurturing others part - all parts that are helpful and quite necessary to my life. However, none of these parts ever have my own self as a priority. The problem really is that I do so many things that are focused on anything outside of myself and then spend exactly 2.5% of my energy on my own self. When I have the chance to really sink into myself I can notice other parts of myself that would like to have some airtime such as, my artist part, my self-compassion part, my self-parenting part, or my goofy part.
Recovering from burnout is no sprint, sometimes it feels like the longest marathon ever, but spending some time doing any of the suggestions above will likely give you some noticeable results in a short amount of time. I’m not saying this will solve the whole burnout problem all together, but it will help you rise a bit closer to the surface so you can look around and take a few breaths.
Remember: you are human and you deserve your own love and care.
If any of this blog post resonated with you, I would love to let you know about a creative soul-filled offering I have coming up. If you’re interested keep reading on ↓
A crucial part of my self-care routine is a creative art method called SoulCollage®. Since 2016 I have been making SoulCollage® cards and creating my own personal deck representing my parts, my community members, meaningful energy forces, and universal energies.
SoulCollage® is a creative process designed by Seena Frost which allows for connection and acceptance of all parts of the self.
Participants create SoulCollage® cards representing separate aspects of the self, community, or archetypes on 5’’x8’’ cards. After creating each card there is a processing done through journalling or with a partner where the visual representation of the card has an opportunity to speak to the creator and share its wisdom.
This process is often very powerful for participants and allows for deep connection with all parts of the self as well as the community in which SoulCollage® cards are read and processed.
In my time offering SoulCollage® workshops I have witnessed the power this method can have to help participants go deep, reflect, and make meaningful connections within themselves and in community with others. And truthfully, facilitating SoulCollage® workshops is an incredibly moving and fulfilling experience for me every single time.
I want to share the wonders of this method with you! I have created an Introduction to SoulCollage® Workshop Series which I will be facilitating this summer. Starting Monday, July 18, 2022, we will join via zoom from 6-8pm EDT for six weeks to learn about the method, create your own SoulCollage® cards, connect with others, and access your inner wisdom. I would absolutely love for you to join me!
Since I know that meaningful experiences are often best shared with those we love, I’m offering a discount for participants to sign up together. Save $60 when you and a buddy sign up together!
This workshop series will include all of the materials you will need (except sharp tools like scissors) for all 6 sessions for participants in the United States. I will send out your supply packets after you register. The sooner you register, the higher likelihood that your supplies will arrive in time for the first session on Monday, July 18th. Register soon to ensure you won’t have to gather your own supplies for the start of the series!
Learn more and sign up on the website today!
Not going to work out this summer? I get it, life is crazy busy! We will be offering more workshops ongoing. Sign up for our email list or follow us on facebook or instagram to stay informed on upcoming events.
I can’t wait to create and connect with you soon!
Browne, S. J. (2021, December 10). What the vagus nerve is and how to stimulate it for better mental health. Forbes. Retrieved June 22, 2022, from https://www.forbes.com/sites/womensmedia/2021/04/15/what-the-vagus-nerve-is-and-how-to-stimulate-it-for-better-mental-health/?sh=47b845706250
Nagoski, E. & Nagoski, A. (2019). Burnout: The secret to unlocking the stress cycle. Ballantine Books.